You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
