I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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