sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize