dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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