seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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