So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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