In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
