she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize