Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
