He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize