the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
