Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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