dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
