Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
