i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
