During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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