i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
