I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
