You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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