It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
