In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize