put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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