We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We need to rekindle our bromance
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
