Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I love you. Go after that dick
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
