her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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