Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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