too bad you live with your parents still
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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