well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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