im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
