You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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