yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
