I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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