I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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