I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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