sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
