The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize