Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
