did you get engaged???
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
