Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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