Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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