Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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