She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
