Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
