The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
