Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
