i think i have two assholes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
