if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
