I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
