Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
