Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize