please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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