remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
