i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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