where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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