...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
