I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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