Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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