I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I want a musical about memes.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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