I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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