I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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