im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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