When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
