Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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