so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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