Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
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