now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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