Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
