Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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