Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize