Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
