Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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