You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
