i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
