I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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