Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
