We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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