At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
