apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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