My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize