wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I skipped work to stalk him.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
