3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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