i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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