I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
someone owes me an orgasm
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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