I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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