His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
