sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
