he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
