There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
