Swine flu. Run for my life!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
