the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
