I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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