the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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