margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
