Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
