I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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