nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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