I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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