Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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