Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
