planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
