D3 body, D1 cock
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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